Hi friends! I have gotten mad a lot lately about people being assholes on the internet and I want to talk about being an asshole on the internet.
I am not talking about people who are deliberately assholes on the internet. If you are deliberately an asshole on the internet, it’s okay. Troll is a feeling. I know. I forgive you. I am talking about Accidentally Being An Asshole On The Internet, especially when it relates to that dreaded P-word.
So let’s all take a second to look at what’s in our individual privilege cocktails (‘cause sometimes we get good stuff and sometimes we get bad stuff, and sometimes it’s an entirely different thing depending on where we’re drinking, much like cheap white wine, which is horrifying 351 days of the year but occasionally just what you wanted.) In one context one might have been arbitrarily given the social upper hand (things like “being white” or “being able-bodied” fit here) and in one we might find ourselves royally screwed over by society (things like “being queer” and even just “being born with a vagina” fit here.) Sometimes the same thing will work in our favor in some situations, and against us in others. Some issues we hear about often and some we don’t. Some issues we value more for our personal identity than others. Intersectionality. We all has it.
HOWEVER. There are times when context is a little more obvious, and when it’s generally understood that one particular party is getting the short end of the stick thanks to the Evil Overlords of Societal Norms And Stereotypes Et Cetera. This doesn’t mean that those of us with the long end of the stick are always doing great! We might be feeling shitty because secretly we are dealing with an invisible but debilitating illness or because we are gay or because we stubbed our toe. And then sometimes we feel shitty as a result of the other conversation going on, the one about how the Original Speaker kind of feels crappy due to their lack of privilege in the topic at hand.
Here are some examples of these sorts of feelings:
- “I have a lot of gay friends but I don’t like it when people think I’m gay by default!”
- “Why are you all talking about trans people, it sucks that I am invisible as a femme/bisexual/whatever!”
- “But I don’t think we can talk about race because my depression and lower-middle-class upbringing also prevents me from getting good job opportunities so I don’t think I am winning the privilege olympics so this isn’t fair!”
Sometimes we call these feelings things like “small violins” and sometimes we want to tell the speaker to shove it, and sometimes it turns out that we are the people with these unsavory feelings.
It’s okay if you have these feelings. Feelings are totally valid. I have crappy feelings all the time where I feel resentful because I wanted to do my favorite thing in the universe, which is to Talk About Myself, and somebody had to rain on my parade. I also frequently have feelings which make me want to walk up to screaming babies on the train and punch them in the face and scream at their parents to make their despicable little worm SHUT UP BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO READ.
Sarah writes smart things on the internet and other people like them too and you should also read them
Most of what I wear is actually still black and neutrals, I think. Just havin’ a lil’ more fun with thangs and got pretty bored with the whole FASHUNGOTH2K9 steeze.
Fortunately I surround myself with people who don’t care about this ridiculous concept of equating “fashion” with “striving to live perfectly up to some arbitrary standard of natural-looking beauty” and who value “having fun / self expression / doing your own thing / whatever” rather than “looking totally approachable and like a sweet girl next door.” (Which isn’t really my personality either, and things don’t go well when I try to act or look like it is.) Frankly I feel really lucky that I don’t have to participate in this terrifying universe of “is my hair shiny enough, is this nail polish colour flattering to my skin tone” if I don’t want to, and I don’t think anyone should have to if they don’t want to. I don’t think that equates to “peer pressure” and “low self-esteem” - on the contrary.
The other bonus of “looking like a little bit of wacko” (do I even dress that wacky?) is that it discourages people who are prone to thinking like this comment from talking to me and encourages the ones who don’t? I seriously can’t express enough how little interest I have in “being as conventionally pretty and approchable as possible.” That’s not to say I don’t care about how I look or sometimes want to be pretty, or that I don’t cater to or fall into those norms sometimes (either by coincidence or choice) — it’s just completely not the point of style for me personally.
You know those posts where some cute Fashion Lady dumps out her Birkin or whatever and it’s full of a carefully curated variety of expensive, perfectly clean and organized items, with one little quirky book or some crystal they carry around for luck or whatever?
Right, this isn’t one of those. This is one of those “what’s ACTUALLY in my bag” posts, as if those are so much better.
First of all, I hate purses: we’ve discussed my preference for totes before, and this crappy backpack from H+M is about as close as I can bring myself to a grown-up bag. I just hate them! They get dirty! They get lost! They’re never big enough for all the things I need! But for real. Here’s what’s actually in there.
Clockwise from top left:
- Sunglasses case (Ray-Bans I’ve had for years)
- wallet (faux-snakeskin, from an H+M in Prague five years ago)
- iPod touch with cracked screen, purple headphones
- “Altoid smalls” (review: gross)
- Keys on Vodaphone lanyard, also from Prague five or six years ago. The pill keychain is actually for earplugs, not drugs. (Seriously. YOUR HEARING IS IMPORTANT.)
- Clinique makeup bag (free with some purchase years ago)
- sticker from the iO Tillet Wright opening at The Hole
- Face blotting papers ‘cuz I am SLIMY
- Pile of loose change, crumbs, misc gross little papers, orphaned film canister cap, and a hairpin
- Mystery paperclip
- Sparkly barrettes
And continuing, also clockwise from top left:
- Misc crumpled papers (MoMA floor plan, receipts, junk, tampons.) I’m actually sort of surprised by how small this pile is? Feel like I usually have like 4 granola/protein bar wrappers and a dirty tissue and 14 other crumpled receipts in there as well.
- Sunglasses, headphones, keys, iPod, Altoids, and wallet as above
- UnSmart phone
- Mysterious mini thing of Bonne Mama blueberry jam? No idea.
And for that makeup bag — mostly drugstore, y’all:
Clockwise from top left:
- MAC Film Noir lipstick
- Covergirl 14 hour hot pink lipstick in some silly name like “Eternal Rose”
- L’oreal “Lash Out” mascara in blackest black
- Diorshow Iconic mascara in black
- MAC Fluidline eyeliner
- Dusty MAC quad, containing Woodwinked, a very worn Trax, Quarry, and Smut
- More hairpins and barrettes
- Revlon lipliner in red
- MAC #263 Brush, plus two more brushes I accidentally cropped out oops. One drugstore, one MAC #275
- Misc orphaned eyeliner caps?
From left, again:
- Tweezerman angled tweezers
- Chanel makeup sample - they discontinued my Mat Lumiere!! This is the Perfection Lumiere which I’m not super in love with, but we’ll see.
- Neutrogena Glow Sheers BB/Tinted Moisturizer
- Revlon Colourstay liquid lipstick in Top Tomato
- Some rando wristband from a show or club or something?
- Revlon lipstick in Magenta
- L’oreal Colour Riche in Sunset Red
- the MAC and Maybelline colours and mascaras and lipliner you saw above
- Almay eyeliner in Amethyst
- MINI FLOSS, VERY IMPORTANT.
What are YOU actually hauling around?
I bought the domain name through GoDaddy, which I think cost like $12? It varies depending on how popular the domain is, but it’s usually pretty cheap if you want just your name or some random phrase. My hosting is through Tumblr so I don’t have to pay for that either.
- Freakishly resilient and thick hair to begin with
- I wash it, like, once a week, not kidding - bleached hair doesn’t get greasy-looking, like, EVER, since it’s so porous. I shower, but don’t get my hair wet if I can help it.
- I use this Matrix strengthening shampoo which helps a lot actually — when I first bleached my hair it was weird and gummy but it’s been getting a lot better, and then a fancy Davines conditioner for damaged hair. Once or twice a month I use a protein pack/treatment — I like the HiProPac orange packets and the HiProPac Keratin treatment, both of which you can get at Sally’s or Ricky’s for, like, two bucks.
- I sit around and cut off little dead ends with sewing scissors when I’m bored, which is utterly disgusting, but helpful.
- Anti-breakage and anti-frizz serums: I like the ones from Organix, both the coconut oil and shea butter ones smell really nice, make my hair soft and shiny, and aren’t super expensive. I know argan/Moroccan oil is supposed to be amazing but I’m still hesitant to throw down $25 on a few drops of serum.
- A good blow-out makes your hair look so much better — if I air-dry it it’s a little bit frizzy, but if I blow dry it (ionic dryer, ceramic-body big round brush) it comes out a lot smoother with way more volume. See also: not washing it often, which means a good blow-out lasts a few days before I start braiding it or putting it up and whatnot.